Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Aunty Aurora: Why Am I Still So Resentful Of My Ex?

Dear Aunty Aurora,
Please keep me anonymous. I had a relationship with a man some 10 years ago. I was very much in love, but it wasn’t reciprocal obviously because he abruptly broke up by simply disappearing one day. It was hard at first but hey, life goes on and I met other men after him and was happy. Except now I am alone again and without a job and thought I would check if I could find my long lost ex online just to say hi (why for God’s sake?). 
Well I found out he is happily married with three kids, is a presumably very well-paid lawyer in a big firm, lives in a posh area in a grand house. I am not proud of saying this, but I am angry and resentful and jealous of him because he is doing so well and I am not. I keep wishing him to lose his job, his wife to another man, his house in a fire etc. At the same time, I am really depressed. It could have been me living in the grand house right? Perhaps I am not worth it when I think of it, and perhaps he was right in leaving me, and the thought is crushing – 10 years later! From, Senegal.
Dear Anonymous,
Its hard being the one who doesn’t seem to be making much headway in life and it doesn’t matter if the other person is your arch enemy or the love of your life. When we start comparing our own lives and achievements with those of others, our own successes will most likely dim and our failures more prominent. In most cases, people get over their exes over a period of time and for you to still feel so strongly about what happens in his live means there wasn’t closure for you from that relationship. This is most likely due to how he left you hanging with possibly unanswered questions as well.I think its best you try to move on with your life and try to make yourself genuinely happy without looking to someone to do that for you. It’s too much burden for another person to be in charge of your happiness. About how you think he has a grand life, girl, you only see what people want you to see, especially on social media. Its wonderful to have kids, a big house and loads of cash, but that doesn’t translate to happiness so don’t get it mixed up. I’m sure you are a nice person generally and just caught in a bad moment presently. Seeing a therapist might actually help you put a better perspective to things too. Don’t be too hard on yourself either, your time will come very soon. Trust the process. Aunty Aurora.

Photo Credit: Getty

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