I have been an ardent follower of your work here and so when I found myself in my present situation, you were automatically the first help that came to mind. I hear of love triangles and I have always believed that its only stupid people that get themselves into such tangled relationships. That was up until I found out that I have been living one all this while and never knew. During my service year, I met a young man called Bade. We hit it off almost immediately and that was how our relationship started. The only issue we had was that my home was in Ibadan and he was living in Abuja and at the end of the service year,we wouldn’t be seeing each other as much as we wanted. So we decided that I should relocate to Abuja for work too.
My parents weren’t too keen on the move but later agreed when one of my cousins living in Abuja said I could stay with her. I moved to Abuja with high hopes of taking my relationship to the next level and possibly get married to Bade as soon as I can get us to the altar. The first time Bade came to visit me at home was when it all began. All he hid his reaction well but I noticed that when he saw my cousin for the first time he was shocked and my cousin’s reaction mirrored his. I asked them if they knew each other before but Bade only excused himself and drove off before I even got outside. I later asked my cousin what happened and she said she had dated Bade in the past. They broke up because Bade didn’t want to settle down at the time. I was confused and scared of what that meant for my relationship. I really love Bade and our relationship means the world to me. The following day Bade came over to my workplace and apologised for his behaviour and told me his side of the story. According to Bade, my cousin left him for another guy who promised her marriage. But when the guy later disappointed her she came back wanting to get back together with him. He said he no longer had feelings for her although she still called from time to time claiming she had changed. Living in the same apartment with my cousin has been difficult but she is still my family and I wouldn’t want our family members hearing about this. Going back to Lagos might raise my family’s suspicion and draw out the whole situation. How do I solve this puzzle without blowing it all out?
Annabel, Nigeria
Dear Annabel
Love triangles can be very tricky to handle and they get messy really fast so the you need to examine your position and act fast. Your case isn’t much of a problem since your partner didn’t reignite his relationship with your cousin or even lie to you about what he had with her. From all indications he is choosing to stick with you and hopefully things will continue that way so you don’t have to worry about where his loyalty lies… at least not yet. Your cousin on the other hand needs to back-off and she might not take you seriously till you have a chat with her. 
Staying together might make it harder for both of you to move on because every time she sees you, she remembers what she has lost and every time you see her, you might feel threatened. I believe you are an adult and should be able to handle your own issues without interference from family members. Try to get your own apartment as soon as possible to avoid the friction as well and don’t allow paranoia. Seeing things where are none can put an end to an otherwise good relationship too, so have a little faith everything will work out fine in the end. Aunty Aurora
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